How do you make a panda toot? You punch it in the stomach.

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Your momma is so fat that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks

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womans rights

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What's longer then Kim Kardashian's Wedding? 73 days.

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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When life gives you lemons you leave the earth in search of what strange lifeform sent you them.

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How did the ruttabaga believe itself to be a ruttabaga? Because it was in fact NOT a ruttabaga, but some self-aware individual with delusions.

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Whats the difference between a duck? One of its legs are both the same.

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Why are white people typically not as good at basketball as black people? They don't have the hard work and dedication as those who are better.

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Q: Whats better than ten babies in ten trash cans? A: One baby in ten trash cans

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Q: What faster than a black man with a t.v A: A jew with a coupon

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What's the difference between a single mom and a stripper? Job status.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? - - - A: Nothing. If it is red all over, then it is not black and white.

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Obama.

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A fat man buys a salad

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? THe NBA

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

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what do you call an asian flying a plane? a pilot

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What did the drug addict get for Christmas? He got hepatitis, fired from his job, and nothing from his family because their relationship was badly damaged by his addiction.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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What does D.N.A. stand for? Deoxyribonucleic Acid

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Giving birth to the antichrist

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What's the difference between your wife and a female dog? none - they are both bitches!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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