A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What s faster than a black guy with a TV? His brother with a VCR.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

two boys break out in a verbal fight. the first boy says your so stupid youd sell a cow for a gallon of milk. the second boy replied, i agree with you 110%.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

GONNA

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Pencils are yellow, Grass is green OK

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Hey, did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No He didn't either.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

a boy walked into a pet store to get his bird some food. they were all out. the bird died.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Your mom is so fat, her pants are starting to get tight.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Fruitcake

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why didnt the dog bark? he died in his sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the black guy hate the white guy??? Because the white guy enslaved his ancestors.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A kid with no arms or legs is stuck in the desert. Sucks to be him.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did Goldilocks say to the three bears? She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do Ethiopians do at Christmas ? Starve...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Two guys walk into a bar, one is treated for a concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Your Mama is so poor. I begin to worry about you and your familys' finacial situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock Knock Why are you knocking? I have a doorbell.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why is Michael J Fox so good at using shake weights? Because he is motivated to stay in good physical shape.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops