How do you know when a guy wants to have sex with you? When he rapes you

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DONALD TRUMP DIES

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. Your family is dead.

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why did jimmy fall off the swing? because he was a tree.

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what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

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Pianca going ham

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I had sex with the Earth, and out came global warming...Imagine what will happen if i had sex with Obama?

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the blonde choked o a gummy bear. What happened next? she went to the hospital

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do you know a really good joke? i don't have one.

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How did the Pollack die? Cardiac arrest.

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How do you make a kids fall off a swing? Throw an axe at them

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What do you call batman when we lost all his money? Broke

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One Big Ass Mistake America

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"Your moms so fat I jiggled my pickle and she jumped with tortoise." Is what I would say if I was retarded. Downvote this shiz!

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how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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roses are red, violets are blue, get in that bed or I stick your head down the loo! Christian grey

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A dying homeless man walks into a Hospital. He is asked to leave because he doesn't have health insurance. He dies in a gutter next to where he shits.

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What did the mother say to her baby? These little piggies taste good!

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Why aren't jokes funny in base 8? Because 7, 10, 11.

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Why isn't this joke funny Because i have cancer

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A man walked into a haunted house and screamed. He had stepped on a nail.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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