Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

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One time i ate a sandwich it was good

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A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

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What do you call a boy with no arms and a hunchback? -names

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. - You don't need to because N and O are already together. - Then maybe a cyber-relationship would work. - Why ? - Look at your keyboard, U and I are next to each other.

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What's better than nailing a baby into the wall? Football.

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Q:What do you call a dog with no legs? A:It doesnt matter he's not gonna come

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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it twice.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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No, I don't have ADH...- Oh look, a butterfly!!

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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newt gingrich

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What's yellow and can not swim? A Bulldozer

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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Obamacare!

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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A man walks into a bar, he drinks, then leaves the bar.

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What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Ferrari ? I don't have 10 dead babies in my garage.

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Two juggalos go to an Insane Clown Posse show.

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What did Sally get for Christmas? Nothing, Sally is dead

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Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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How do you start up a good conversation? Wanna have a good conversation?

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Yo momma's so short, it's probably because she's in a wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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