What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a sledgehammer. The other one's a watermelon

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I don't often drink beer. But when I do, I recklessly beat my wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night? Crib death.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A woman is getting in the shower but the the doorbell rings so she puts on her towel and gets the door a man is there asking for sugar. Then she gets back into the shower then the doorbell rang again so she puts on her towel and anwsers the door another man is there he asked for some batteries she gave him some and went back to the shower. Then she hears the doorbell again she thought since there wasn't anybody else that lived on her street she decided to just go to the door without her towel so she answers the door thinking the blindmans there and it was the police man.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's huge, gray, and has a trunk and wings. An elephant with wings glued to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the monkey sit on the toilet? To have a bowelmovement

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I'm ginger no more needs to be said...

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I jizzed in my pants. It tasted good

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did elmo jump of the cliff caus he wa depresed

thumb_up thumb_down +23

25

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock. Go away!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

roses are red, violets are blue, fudge is sweet, heres some fudge.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Real jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How did the poor young women get Aids? She got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"Your moms so fat I jiggled my pickle and she jumped with tortoise." Is what I would say if I was retarded. Downvote this shiz!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops