A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the hooker go to the bathroom? Because she just exchanged sex for money and was cleaning herself up for her next trick.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass...I was just lying about the wheels.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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why did susie get hit by the bus? cause the bus driver wanted her ice cream

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Why are we posting shit jokes on here? Because we can't drink!

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Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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Why was the plumber very sad Because i killed his family

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Hey you want to hear a joke? Oh well. Goodbye

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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Knock knock. Use the doorbell, dumbass.

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What do you call two men having sex with Oprah? Group sex.

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Women's rights.

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husband : honey , can i have stuff candy wife : no husband : can i have milk and cookies wife : what kind of milk wink wink husband 2% you pervert

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a duck walked into the 7-11, grabbed a slurpee and told the man at the register, "put it on my bill". But the man behind the counter was Indian, and could not understand what the duck was saying. The duck then walked out confused, wondering why he was buying a slurpee in the first place

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Please don't rape me.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? About 1,150 pounds.

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What do you call a girl with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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Roses are red Voliets are blue I suck at making poems Refrigerator

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two fish are in a tank.

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American Idol

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What did the goat say to the dolphin dogs don't lay eggs

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Bing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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