anus soup

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Why do you never hit a black man with your car? Because that's vehicular homicide.

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Q:What did a young Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his friends wanted to play a game pretending to be 18th century composers? A: "I'll be Mozart!"

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Oliver's friends

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Your mother gets so hungry, she eats.

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What do you get when you cross a horse and a pony? A mule

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Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown everything is brown Who shat in my garden?

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What's black and white and red all over? Lots of things, including certain ugly clothing.

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what did the man with no legs get for Christmas? A piano

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why is 5 afraid of 6? it isnt

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why do sausage rolls taste of sausage and not roll? Seriously -_- what?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

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Why could the black man not fall asleep? The gunshots outside his home in Compton constantly awoke him

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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Women

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? THe NBA

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two muffins are in an oven one muffin says man its pretty hot in here and the other muffin says oh my god a talking muffin

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What did the mole say? Nothing

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What in the world is that thing in her butt!!!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was black

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenia, and don't have any friends

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Three black guys walk into a gym and play a rigorous game of basketball for an hour

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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