Two ducks are sitting in the bathtub. One asks, "Hey, can you please pass the soap?" The other responds, "Sure, if you pass the typewriter."

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There were three hungry cows in a barn. One day, one of them finds a stick of butter on the ground, and notifies the other cows of his findings. Since the barn was ran like a democracy, the cows decided via 2/3 vote that the winner of the stick of butter should be decided by a checkers tournament. The problem is that there is no good way to run a checkers tournament with three cows because checkers is a one-on-one game. The first cow suggests trying to find another cow to join in so that they could have a bracket-style tournament, but there were only three cows that lived in the barn. The second cow suggests a round-robin style tournament. The third cow informs the second cow that there is a possibility of a tie because each cow can finish with one win and one loss among the two games in a round-robin tournament. The first cow suggests that the round-robin process can be repeated until there is a winner. This joint suggestion was approved by 2/3 vote by the cows. Finally the checkers tournament begins. The first cow says to the second cow, "you butter not beat me at checkers!"

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Why was the black man running down the street with a suitcase? He was late for work.

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"hey" said an elephant to another elephant... "why can I talk?" the other elephan did not reply because it is normal and cannot speak or understand the first elephant. And a man near by thinks he's dreaming so he strips down and runs around naked to be tazed on his left testicle an the. Falls into the crocodile enclosure. But they pay no attention because they are docile after being in the zoo so long. But he did land on his balls and is crying.

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What do you call Justin Bieber having sex with a women? Sex.

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Im gonna Rape that Liberato kid you was talking about, ALL UP THE ASS i will find him.

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What do you call a Russian civil war? A war in which one side wants to seced from the other.

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Why are you here? Because i'm not over there!

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What is a mexicans favorite sport? Whatever he is interested in.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew -a pizza is food

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Why couldn't the woman go grocery shopping? She was paralyzed from the neck down.

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two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper with some red stuff on it.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Hodor

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your mother's head is so big that she wears very big hats.

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What do you call a Mexican who steals a car? A criminal.

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Why can't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because Jimmy has no legs. Why doesn't he have any legs? Because he's a potato.

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-Knock knock -Come on in!

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What did Bill go for his birthday? No where someone slashed his tires.

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What do you call a black guy in space? An astronaut

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Why did little susie fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock who's there? not susie

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? Neither have i

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What's your name? You tell me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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