Knock Knock Who's There? ... knock a door run

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Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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Why did the kids stop playing tag? Because the boy was "it" was kidnapped and never seen again

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Obama.

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Q: Whats better than ten babies in ten trash cans? A: One baby in ten trash cans

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What did the aids patient do after he was diagnosed? He had sex with many more people and gave them aids as well.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why couldn't the cat eat it's food? It's face was stapled to the floor.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "My son was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."

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roses are red violets are black why is your chest as flat as my back

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a shoe sale at JC penny on the other side

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Why did the todler fall over? He's an iraqi child and has ben shot inboth legs being readied fro public excution for fighting on the opposing side a.w. j.p.

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What did the mother say to her baby? These little piggies taste good!

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what do you call an asian flying a plane? a pilot

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? - - - A: Nothing. If it is red all over, then it is not black and white.

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Why would you throw a hooker in a lake? To go fishing

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Morgan Freeman walks into a bar. Everyone is pleasantly surprised they are in the presence of a celebrity.

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Some people are like Slinkies: they get really boring after a while.

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that's been chopped in half? Dead

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What's the difference between a Mercedes and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Mercedes in my garage.

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What do you call a brunette between two blonds? Probably their friend. How should I know?

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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a Mexican and a black guy were sitting in the back of a car, who is driving? -- a cop

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How much does a polar bear weigh? About 1,150 pounds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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