roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun, shut the **** up.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I have the heart of a child... in a jar on my desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night? Crib death.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a mexican without a lawn mower? .....unemployed

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I am funny, yes? No, you are not.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive Cause she's a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whats 2+2=? ?= CHICKEN

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is the difference between a bench and a mexican? the bench is an object

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you get a baby out of a blender? Call the police and have them deal with the tragedy.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Two gay men in a hottub. They relaxed for about half an hour before getting out and going to the bed, where they fell asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

a fat black man walks into an aquarium he enjoyed his day viewing many sea animals while buying a souvenier on his way out.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How did the poor young women get Aids? She got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Can I touch it?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

DONALD TRUMP DIES

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I had sex with the Earth, and out came global warming...Imagine what will happen if i had sex with Obama?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Steering Wheel Face.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call an elderly women who after the death of her late husband had many enconters witb men? A whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

the blonde choked o a gummy bear. What happened next? she went to the hospital

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Oliver's friends

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops