Q: How do you surprise a newt? A: Jump on it while shouting, "slippers." This may not work as the newt may die before it has the chance to be surprised, however the slippers should be intact.

Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

What do you call a man that likes fishsticks? His name

Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

Why did the monkey sit on the toilet? To have a bowelmovement

Why did Hitler cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways. Only after practicing proper safety procedure did he venture across the busy thoroughfare to retrieve his asthma medication from his car.

A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

An elephant walks into a bar. Except not really, it couldn't fit through the door.

An elderly lady walks into an elevator. She falls over and I kick her in the head.

amy copied adams haircut :0

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A Kinect

Knock knock. Who's there? I am.

AROUND

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? I stapled it to the first monkey!

So a Jew, a black guy, and a Mexican all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey guys, what would you like?" They all get beer.

Why was the truck covered in blood? The chicken tried crossing the road

How do you know when a guy wants to have sex with you? When he rapes you

Mean while... at Jerry Sandusky's house

Slavery

What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Ferrari ? I don't have 10 dead babies in my garage.

A van drives into a car. An hour earlier, the man who was driving the van walked into a bar.

A black man, a Mexican, and a Jew walk into a bar. The white bartender kills them all because he was a huge racist.

How do you start up a good conversation? Wanna have a good conversation?

In Soviet Russia! People were much more finacially secure than they are now.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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