You are the third derivative of the position function.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you need an electrician to screw in a lightbulb, you're a moron.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

how many fish does it take to turn on a lightbulb None, lightbulbs dont work in the ocean

thumb_up thumb_down +37

That's what he said.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why was the asian so good with computers? Because he spent 8 years in college getting a doctorate in computer programming at the University of Hartford

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Whats long and hard? a pole

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q: Whatcha doin?? A:Ur mom. . .

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man walks into a bar and only gets a glass of water due to the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A white guy and a black guy are standing in a room. Which one of them is a murderer? I don't know, there is not enough information given in the question. However, according to Bureau of Justice murder statistics over the last 30 years, the black guy is 7.6 times more likely to be a murderer than a white guy in the United States.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How did the jew reply to the racist comment? Judaism is not a race, it's a religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the man eat the apple? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

your amazing just the way you are... even though you have aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why did helen keller fall down the stairs A; i pushed her

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you do when you come to a fork in the road? You take it

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What does a blonde's vagina taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Herman Cain

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a woman with one leg? An amputee

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops