Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? Because she was lost in her thoughts about her dead husband, and how much he loved orange juice.

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Bing

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What happened to the man who was hit by a car? He was immediately rushed to a hospital and was reported to have a broken femur dislocated shoulder and several broken ribs. The driver was later found and was declared driving under the influence of alcoholic beverages and the victim's family sued the driver for the medical costs. The driver was arrested and was sent to a detention center for 3 months and the victim made a complete recovery.

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What happened to the little kid sitting next to a fat kid ? The little kid got DEVOURED

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Benevolent villain.

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25

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

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What's similar about a black person and an apple? Nothing, an apple is a fruit. It has nothing to do with hanging from trees.

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A blonde girl walks into a screen door. She is blind.

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What's 6+2? 16

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Q: where did the pickle live? A: In the desert

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What do you call 3 horses in 1 boat, in the middle of the Dead Sea? Lost

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wanna hear a really funny joke? sure women's rights.

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Excuses are like butt holes...they are round

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Think of a number between -1 and 1 That's how many friends you have

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How do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the Brake

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Knock Knock Whos there? Its dad mom died....

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Q: What did the guy say to his girlfriend? A: "I like turtles!" Then he smacks her ass.

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One orphan said to the other, 'what are your parents called'

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What did the frog say Magican? Ribbet.

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What's the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a porsche in my garage.

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marble

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What's the best thing about sex with 24 year olds? They're in their sexual prime.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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