How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was A bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy went through chemo. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy was he?

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What's big, grey and can't swim? A castle

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Why couldn't the woman go grocery shopping? She was paralyzed from the neck down.

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your mamas so fat she falls out f both sides of the bed

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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Two muffins are in an oven. Although they both possess the extraordinary ability to speak, strangely each remains silent, apparently lost in their own thoughts. Thus nobody has any reason to think they are any different than any other muffins. Later after they've been baked and allowed to cool, they are sold to a woman who eats them along with a small salad. She enjoys their chewy, hearty texture, and lightly sweet taste. She is completely unaware of what amazing discovery has just been lost to science.

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Chocolate tastes good.

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A dog walks into a bar. The bartender asks the dog "what will ya have?" The bartender is then recognized as The Dog Whisperer

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what do a dog and tree have in common? nobody cares when they die

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What's the only part of a vegetable that you can't eat??? His wheelchair

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What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick

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whats slower then a turtle A FATTY

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A man walks into a bar. [Insert punchline here.]

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What happened at the finish line of the marathon? People collapsed in exhaustion, it was a marathon.

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What type of movies do pirates watch? None they are on a boat!

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A man and a woman are in bed together and really want to do something, what is that something? Sleep.

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Whats worse then reading the same joke over and over again? Getting mutilated by a cupcake.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Dandelions are yellow, and so are sunflowers.

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What is the difference between you and Chuck Norris? You're reading this and he's probably doing something productive.

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have cancer

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yo mamma so fat she seen a yellow train full of white people and she said stop that twinkie

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the chicken.

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How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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