A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What the small boy with no arms or legs get fro christmas???? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why can't a cat fly Because it doesn't have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What starts with P and ends with ORN? Porn

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the cow say to the chicken crossing the road? Moo

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you get when a fat kid eats a donut... A Heart Attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Where did Suzy go after the explosion? - Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did the man fall? cuz he jumped from a building

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a black man in green shoes and a yellow hat ? Nothing,thats just him pursuing in his own regular casual outfit there for you would just notice him as a normal man walking around with shoes and a hat on so there is nothing to call him

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did one new born baby say to the other new born baby.? Babies don't have teeth therefore they are unable to talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

So, I walk into a bar and say "Why do you call this place a bar, I don't see any bars in here!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Your mother is so fat, we needs two fat jokes to adequatly make fun of her.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sky diving? I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What dinosaur makes honey? The Bee Rex.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the little girl crying in the woods at night? There was psychotic killer chasing her with a chainsaw.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey! How do you do a four strand plait? With four strands.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Obama holds the most records for Multikills with Drones. Mu-mu-muuuultiiikilllll.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops