Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

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What did the dying man say to his friends? Nothing. He had no friends.

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what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies?

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wh did a man all of his bike? It was a wet and slippery day, he had a lack of control and concentration

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Why did jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms or legs Knock knock Who's there? Not jimmy

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Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket.

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Why didn't the little boy have a good time at his birthday party? Because his friends lit him on fire.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Sally had no arms. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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Why was Justin Beiber Booed off the stage. Because I spelt his last name incorrectly.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sky diving? I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

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What's worse than a monkey attack. Nothing monkey attacks absolutely blow.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

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What has 2 wheels and looks like a bike? A bike.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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It's not gay until eyes meet or tips touch.

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Why is it good to date twenty eight year olds? Because there is twenty of them.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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What did the disrespectful cow say to his parents? Mooo. I hate you both

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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