How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

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A: What's that on your shoulder? B: A birthmark. A: How long have you had it? B: Don't know.

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Whats funnier than a baby in a jar? A baby in ten jars.

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Where would canada be without nature? still here

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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if bought jim bought 78 sweets and he eats 68 what does jim have left? diabetes

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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whats wores than eating a vag. a gaint vag eating you.

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why did the man shave his balls cause they were unnecessarily hairy

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blargen fa-diddle nachen!

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Next Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Sexual assault.

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Hypothermia

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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Why did the man kill his friend? How am I supposed to know

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What is the difference between my pet goldfish and an african village? My pet goldfish has water.

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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you walk into a bar Griffin: 'are you ok'

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who is gay wit mon james cornish

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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