If i had 100 dollars for every time a black president was assainted i would have 100 dollars in 4 months and six days.

When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

what do you call a man that has a terminal illness and is named James - James

-It ain't over till the fat lady sings -she just did -oh, I guess it's over then -k

What are annoying? Ads.

Why is the sky blue? Because it is

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. ------ Knock Knock Whose there? Not Suzie

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

A guy walks into a bar. He meets a girl and they have a great time. He calls her the next day and their relationship continues for many months. Eventually they get married and have children.

Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

Three gay men are in a bath tub and bubbles come up and one says "who farted?"

Why did the white man beat the black man in a fight? The white man was bigger. Also, he was a black belt in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu.

"Knock knock." "Come in."

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist! Jk a terrorist

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer caught it.

Why aren't fish good at telling jokes? Their neural structure isn't capable of processing languages or creating a method of communicating with humans, thus they both do not know any jokes since they are incapable of understanding the concept of humour.

What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

What do an elephant and a can of soup have in common? They both can't ride a bike

How do my feet smell? Oh wait. They can't. Feet are not sentient independent beings and therefore cannot experience the five senses, including smell.

What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

Why did the black man grab and tie up the white woman? Because the white woman was a serial killer who has been on the FBI's most wanted list for killing children.

Why was the African American man afraid of dogs? He had a terrible childhood memory of being violently dry humped by a german shepherd.

What did a Blond do in the Desert? She got lost after Falling of a flying carpet

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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