You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a person with one eye and no arms? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? You aren't married to a girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is 13 the most hated number? 13 is Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

NEVER

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Despite their parents wishes, two teenagers under the age of 18 tried multiplying. Their answer was 27.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What do you brush your teeth with, sit on and sleep in? A: A toothbrush, a chair and a bed

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a giraffe? A really f*cked up hybrid.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What about the cool kids down the block. Their friend just died with a serious health condition.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There were two penguin's sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin says to the second penguin, "Hey, pass the soap." And the second penguin says, "What do i look like, an alarm clock?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why Didn't jeff go to school yesterday? He was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mom is so black, i shot a bullet at her. It came back and said i need a flashlight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the jewish man say to the Irish guy at the bar? Are you Irish?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Ask me if I'm a tree. "Are you a tree?" No.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops