what has two legs, and is red? half a cat.

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Lollies are sweet warheads are sour, open your legs and feel my power

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knock knock Goodbye

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Why'd the asian man cross the road? I dont know, who cares? Just leave the guy alone

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HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

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Why did Jenny fall off her bike? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Jenny

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One man asked another man what his favorite sport was. The man replied: " My favorite sport is golf." "Golf requires no physical strength, therefore I do not count it as a sport." Said the man who asked the question.

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A Jewish man answered his phone one day. The man on the line said he'd kill him and all his family. The Jewish man then hung up the phone and resumed his everyday life.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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i just cant stand up to cripple jokes

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Stephen hawking walks into a bar.

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roses are red violets are blue I have a knife stand by the door

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What do you call a group of Mexicans jumping over a fence? I heat of runners trying out for the Mexican Olympic hurdle team.

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whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

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Whats hard and long and used to penetrate women? A hypodermic needle.

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Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

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I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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whats worse than getting eaten by a bear a bear getting eaten by a squirrel who ate you too.

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What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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