A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Two friends are arguing over who is the best pie maker. '' I've made pumpkin, apple, peach, cherry, blueberry, and sweet potato!" " Yeah well I've made all of those AND pecan!'' ''Yeah well have you ever made boysenberry pie?!" "No! What the hell!" *in a calm tone* " Yeah, me neither."

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He goes to the restroom and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. He goes to the restroom again and urinates. He comes back and orders another drink. Guess what happens next? A. He goes to the restroom to urinate B. He buys another drink C. He flirts with a very attractive lady D. Goes home and masturbates

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What did the chicken say to the duck .... Nothing the chickin was Spanish and the duck was illiterate

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One time I said to my friend, "There are too many black people in this country." I forgot he was black.

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One linners President Kinnedy did you like the parade President Lincon did you like the play

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What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?"

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? There was no cross walk.

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A miserable man committed suicide.

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? he has an iq of 5 like all chickens

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a horse walks into a bar the bartender says "why the long face?" the horse does not say anything because its a horse and horses cannot talk.

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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Knock knock who's threre me, I kill you

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What do you call an arab with a beard? How cares what his name is just shoot him!

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Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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How you know when dislextic

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How much does Michael Vick love his dogs? More than Casey Anthony loved her daughter.

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Did you hear about the blonde that crashed her car? No. Is she okay?

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Haunnaka in 1940's Germany. six thousand people die. in one minute.

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What do you call a car with no wheels? Trash

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what did the cashier do when a Mexican robbed the store? call the police

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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