Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are potentially dangerous weapons that may inflict bodily harm.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles there balls

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Why did the young boy hit the other young boy? Because the other young boy was bullying his friend and he thought it was time he should stand up for himself and take control of the situation.

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A fat man walks into a gym, and comes out fatter

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand but thinking of you.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

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Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it couldn't fly

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Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

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An Asian girl is playing with a rubber band. She accidentally slings it into her eye, cries, and receives immediate attention from her mother.

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Why did Suzie get raped? because she was out past her bedtime. and the morale to this story is that its funny to be raped.

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A Jewish man answered his phone one day. The man on the line said he'd kill him and all his family. The Jewish man then hung up the phone and resumed his everyday life.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Q: Are you a tree? A: No.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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Q. How many men did it take to build a wall? A. None, the wall is already built.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't a Ferrari in my garage

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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