Why did Johnathan drop his popsicle? He was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Johnathan

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A man is on a military operation, he dies and has a funeral.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

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Why did the middle-aged lady have a heart attack? Years of heavy smoking, alcohol abuse and lack of exercise had taken its toll on her body, causing it to age prematurely. @JWest

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woman's rights

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Who is the most vile man in Britain? Jerry Carr, the guy who works at the casino.

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Wanna hear the most repeated joke on anti jokes? Why did [insert name here] fall off the swing? Because he/she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not [insert name here].

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I had vodka + water and got drunk. had rum + water and got drunk. had gin and water and still got drunk. I've learnt my lesson. NO MORE WATER FOR ME

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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How do you discover a gay snowman? If the carrot is in the ass.

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How do u kill a gay man? Shoot him in the head

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Big feet on a man means he has, Nothing, a man's foot size has no relation to the size of his penis.

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Q. What do you get when you put a Jew and Adolf Hitler in the same room? A. Trouble

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Why did the chicken cross the road I don't know

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Why did Jimy fell down the stairs, because he was adopted.

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Stephen hawking walks into a bar.

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Donald Trump

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Why was the girl angry? She's PMSing. Give her a banana and stay away.

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How are elephants and plumbs the same? A: They are both purple, except for the elephant.

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I'm going to live to be 300 years old or die trying!

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Why did the guy eat pizza? Because he likes pizza.

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A man walks in to a bar, remembering he was actually going to the hardware store, he heads out and leave.

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What did John say to Tim Hi I'm John

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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