How do you put your babysitter in jail? Kill your kid on her shift.

Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

A clown walks into a bar and orders a pie. After about 2 minutes, the bartender gives him a pie. Later, a blonde walks into a bar and orders a cake. After about 1 minute, the bartender gives her a cake. Then a dog walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything because it's a dog.

What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

Knock knock. Who's there? Bob, your neighbor. Okay, come in.

What's worse than a worm in your apple That one time I rapped and killed your mom, oh and happy birthday prick

Roses are red, Violets are violet.

Why was chuck norris the anti christ? Christianity was being threatened....

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? A lot.

What's awesome that's awesome that squirts out of a bottle? Ketchup What else is awesome that squirts out of a bottle? Mustard

How old am I? If you guessed correctly, you are psychic. If you guessed incorrectly, I will send flying gnomes to capture and torture you. Unless, of course, you are of a racial minority in which case nothing will happen to you because I am not racist. :P

what do you call the breaching of the anal cavity with a penis? butt sex

Roses are red, Violets are blue, i thought violets were violet. hmph.

What's worse than finding half a suicide tablet in your apple? Finding half a worm.

So Colton Yepma walks in to Accounting and proceeds to read jokes

The secret to McDonalds success is all their customers are to fat to leave

What is worse than finding dead parents? Not finding them.

A teacher, a lawyer, and a doctor are all at the edge of the cliff. Then they jump off and die.

When life gives you Pure Filtered Water, Sweeteners (High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar), Lemon Juice from Concentrate, Less Than 0.5% of Each: Natural Flavors, Citric Acid (Provides Tartness), Modified Cornstarch, Glycerol Ester of Wood Rosin, Sodium Hexametaphosphate and Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate and Edta (to Protect Taste), Red 40 Make Lemonade.

Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because sally was morbidly obese and uprooted the tree from underneath her subsequently causing her to splash violently on the ground. Why didn't sally get back up? Because the splash caused the earth to spin at 40000 rpm into the sun.

2 black guys, a colombian guy and a white girl are sitting at a bar. They are friends.

A man decided it was time to quit his job so he put his 2 weeks in and went to look for another job.

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Where would Tupac be if he was white? Not the morgue

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...