What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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What do you all a black person on the moon? An Astronaut

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a larger worm in your apple.

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A child wasn't wearing knee pads when he was skateboarding. He proceeded to fall of his board and break his arm

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I Couldn't afford a hair cut... so i purpposely contracted HIV

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to why did the bubble gum cross the road? it was on the chickens foot

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Why was the man happy to see his wife dead? He beat her

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Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first polar bear says, "Pass the soap." The second polar bear replies, "No soap, radio." OMG YOU DON'T GET IT?!?!?!?! NOOB

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What did the little girl say to her mother? Nothing, the previous day the little girl was kidnapped and rapped by two 40 year old men and was eventually decapitated...she will never speak to her mother again.

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wanna hear a sad joke? you! by mad james

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Keith figured gasoline burns, doesn't it? He was wrong.

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My friend just phoned me from the Boston marathon. He was being taken to the hospital due to being injured by the explosions and had to have his leg amputated.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion.

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A cat walks into a bar. He orders some beer. The bartender asks, why the sad face. The cat replies, "I got laid off"

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Q: How do you make a baby cry? A: Throw a brick at it.

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A jew walks into a bar.... He has a beer and then goes home to his family.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What did God say to Adam and Eve? Be fruitful

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How can you tell the difference between a black guy and a white guy? skin color

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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What's worse than sex with a midget? Non-consensual sex with a midget.

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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An Englishman, a Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all stranded on a desert island. After several days spent utilizing the survival skills they had been taught in the Royal Navy, they were eventually evacuated by fellow sailors searching for them. As the only survivors, their stories were vital in preventing such shipwrecks in future.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops