- Anti Joke

I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

Q. How many men did it take to build a wall? A. None, the wall is already built.

Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

Why did the black man go to jail? Because he committed a criminal offense.

If 2 wrongs make a right and 2 rights make a wrong, then when you have 4 rights=2 wrongs, you have a true statement. If you have 8 rights = 4 wrongs, you have a verified statement.

What is the difference between a Mexican and an a pile of crap? One is disgusting and unsanitary and the other is a pile of crap.

A dog with toothpaste in it's mouth wanders into a bar. The bartender beats it to death, because he thought it had rabies.

whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was an attempted suicide. His family left him, he had been in and out of rehab for a terrible cocaine addiction for over ten years, and was still having nightmares about his abusive past.

Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

Knock Knock. You don't have a door.

What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

Whats better than throwing a baby off a building? Catching it with a pitchfork.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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A black person goes up to the drive through at popeye's, what did they say? Nothing, it was closed.

What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb Wanna go ride bikes?

my penis

Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

Did you hear the one about the koala bear that fell out of the tree? Yeah it died.