I've always hated people saying "last one there is a rotten egg" because don't you want to be a rotten egg so you don't get eaten?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: If I have 5 pencils, and you have 3 spoons, how many pancakes will stick to the ceiling? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I walked into the cactus store. The clerk there was being mean so I called him a "prick". ...........

thumb_up thumb_down -15

An man walks into a bar and then proceeds to purchase an alcoholic drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the teenage boy do when his mum was out shopping? Finish his homework.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

People are like trees. When hit multiple times with an ax they fall down.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the boy put on his socks? So he wouldn't get blisters.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you know if you have athlete's foot? You ask your doctor, and he will tell you.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

give a man a blow job and he'll come for a second. teach a man to blow job and .... no that just doesn't work

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road---- because he's having financial and relationship related problems that make his life so hideously unbearable that he wants to kill himself and because he's a chicken and cannot overdose or hang himself he goes for the most viable option as to run across a busy street in hopes of getting smashed to oblivion by a car

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what did the man write down? nothing,because at that time, his pen was out of ink, so he had to open his dest drawer to get another one

thumb_up thumb_down -15

As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you know if an elephants been in your fridge? It's completely destroyed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What is yellow and white and goes 150 miles down a railroad track? a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a Koala bear that does not have a chin? A Koala bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

yo mummas so FAT to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock knock knock OCD

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Ask me if I'm a cucumber. Are you a cucumber? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did Little Tommy get for chirstmas? An explanation that Santa is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops