What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a chicken and was probably not aware that it was walking across a road at all, especially considering that it was likely in a low-traffic rural area.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what did the woman say? 'duhhh, i don't have a penis durr durr' (By the way, I'm trying to be not misogynistic, please let me know if you find this misogynistic in any way)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police, your entire family died in a car accident. ... ... The police, your entire family died in a car accident who?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He flapped his wings, hovered, and the road crossed beneath him.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A black person goes up to the drive through at popeye's, what did they say? Nothing, it was closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: Why did Katie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock, Knock Who's There? Not Katie.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the hooker say to the black guy? How long do you want it for?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Andoni was here

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't, a car ran him over.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

there was a lesbian, a bi-sexual and a homosexual at a wine bar having a drink.......They had a great night

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than finding ants in your kitchen? A truckload of dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock Who's there? Dave, I've got a fucking gun. Let me the fuck in.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

knock knock Goodbye

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops