Your mother is so obese that the extra weight is putting strain on her knees she now needs knee surgery.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 50 in the ashtray.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? No-one No-one who? .......

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why did the arrow hit the knee? the same reason pigs cant fly.

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How many fingers am I holding up? None, my fingers were blown off by a hand grenade.

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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Why did the priest renew his...SHIT, A BEAR!!

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God is religiously proven to be real

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Q: What did 0 say to 8. A: Nothing...However multiplied they equal 0

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Roses are red Violets are red Everything is red If you are dead... Or a potato

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What do apples taste like? Apples.

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What do you call two men having sex with Oprah? Group sex.

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What do you call a jew in a room full of gold? I highly improbable scenario in which the circumstances of how this "man" seemingly got into a gold room are unexplained.

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Q: what do polo bears have for lunch A: iceburger

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What is the difference between a man and a woman? Genitals

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What did the dog say when his family's grandmother came back to life from the dead and ate everyone? Nothing. This is a highly improbable situation, and furthermore, dogs cannot speak.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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What did the convicted child molester say to the little girl? Nothing, they cut his tongue out in prison.

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Why wasn't Pat able to get an erection? Because Pat is a girl.

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Q: what do you call a guy with a stolen cat in his pocket A: The police because stealing animals is illegal

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Roses are red Voliets are blue I suck at making poems Refrigerator

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Please don't rape me.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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