What's big, black and long? The line in KFC

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How do you drown a blonde? From her infancy, instill in her a dread of the water. Keep her away from baths and showers, protect her from pools, and as the child grows, regale her nightly with terrible stories about the cruelty of the sea. When she has matured past 18, take her out to the middle of a lake on a boat and push her in.

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Two jews walk into a bar. They laugh over a beer and leave

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Why did the man smile at his wife? Because she had a silly looking face, like a fish.

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You know how we have iPods? OJ Simpson strangled his wife.

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing, rocks are inanimate objects, therefore rendering them unable to participate in the activity of speech.

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Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a big fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men did not come to help him because the United States does not have a patriarchal system of government.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and have a stimulating discussion about economics

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you need an electrician to screw in a lightbulb, you're a moron.

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what did the catholic priest say to the little boy? -probably something about god or jesus because they are in church

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There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe he woke with a fright, in the middle of the night and then went back to sleep

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its shoulders.

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Robin, get into the Batmobile.

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Why is one side of a geese formation heading south always longer than the other? It has more geese

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What do you call a monkey? A monkey.

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You are the third derivative of the position function.

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What do gay horses eat?........ Cheese

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im jewish

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What did Jerry Sandusky get for Christmas? Raped in jail.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!" Passersby notice the man is blind, which caused him not to notice the bar. He later died in the hospital from severe head trauma

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fart

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How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

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What did Pikachu say to Ghandi? Pika Pika

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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