someone tell england that a depressed guy smoking a cigarette is not a movie.

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What's even worse than getting a parking ticket on your birthday? Child molestation.

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Whats worse then finding a winning lottery ticket? Probably Everything

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What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

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Whats the difference between a baby and a bowling ball? I dont have a bowling ball stapled to my tree

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Q) Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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What smells like weed? the person who smoked it.

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Why did the girl stop smoking? Because her mum asked her to.

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Why couldn't the blond get into the library? Because the library was closed therefore the door was locked.

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why couldnt hellen keller drive? cuz she was blind

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Why was the baker rich? Because he had a lot of money

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Chuck Norris doesn't wait in traffic, he takes the subway

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I have CDO it's like OCD but in the right order

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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS ROAD?!!! cause he was silly

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knock knock Get off my porch I've already called the police.

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What did the plane say to the ground when they hit each other Boom

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How does a chubby baby eat his chili In a very chubby way with his hands smearing it all over is face

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Henry's mom packed Henry sweaters And lots of things besides sweaters Henry went to war He saw lots of gore Logically, he wouldn't need a sweater because he had to wear his uniform during the battle. Did i mention that Henry likes chocolate?

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Why did the little girl have grass stains on her white dress? Because she was dragged into the forest and raped.

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Q: What do you call a stop sign in the winter? A: A stop sign in the winter.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An Afronaut

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Yo Mama is like a gas station:pump and pay.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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