A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? A: Shoveling them out with a pitchfork.

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Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

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Q: What did the Rabbi say to the butcher? A: "Do you have the time?"

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How do you stop a baby falling down a well? Throw a javelin through its forehead.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad your whole family isn't dead from a fatal car accident?

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Justin Bieber's voice sounds like Michael J. Fox playing a theramin.

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I'd like to advertise the love of Jesus in Kobane. Do u join me next Monday? :D

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Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

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A duck walks into a bar and orders 2 beers and a shot. The bartender says "That'll be four fifty." The duck says he doesn't have any money and asks if the bartender can put it on his bill. The bartender says "No." He then picked the duck up by the neck and raped him mercilessly. "That's what he gets" one patron said. "Yeah, he was asking for it"

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Why did the dog run away from home? Because the owner left the door open.

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Your mom is so fat that her Body Mass Index is 30,?which is considered obese, she should really try to lose some weight.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ryan. Ryan who? Ryan Seacrest.

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

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what did the little girl with no legs and no arms get for christmas? Cancer

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What's worse than watching paint dry or grass grow? Watching paint dry on grass.

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what did one dog say to another dog? ....nothing, because they can only bark.

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charly ate an apple. the apple was filled with poison and charly died.

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Why did the plane crash? Chuck Norris was sitting in it, and thus his weight was countless times larger than the lift force of the plane.

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You know you're a redneck when you come from a rural area and behave as such.

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What's the difference between Jews and pizza? God likes pizza

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A jew walked into a bar Hitler said.... A jew walked out of a concentration camp

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Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

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what looks like a banana? a penis

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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