Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

thumb_up thumb_down +16

The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why'd the chicken cross the road? The chicken doesnt understand the concept of a street so it was most likely just wandering across the street

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How are baseball and basketball the same. They aren't football.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What word starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If I earned a dollar for every time you've said, "I'm too old for this sh*t," I wouldn't have made very much money. You are a giraffe.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When is a Jewish persons bedtime? When the brain releases endorphins, causing drowsiness, which usually leads one to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What should you do if reading the antijokes on this site makes you collapse with laughter? There is no need to worry about this because it won't happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock knock. Whos there? I am you dumbass im standing right next to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I insist, you go ahead. See you around. how about in four six hours?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldn't the color blind orphan find his apple? Because he was also blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you make a blond cry? You punch her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting thrown in to a car and raped violently.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

roses are red, violets are blue. sunflowers are yellow, i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's. Hi my name is Bob and I have Alzheimer's.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why was the man dress in a suit ? He had a job

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why did the man beat his wife? why not?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops