Ask me if I'm a grapefruit. -Are u a grapefruit? NO!

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was a woman

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Hi, my name is Mark and I have dead babies in my garage... Just kidding. My name ia not Mark.

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why was six afraid of seven? it wasn't. numbers dont have feelings.

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Three dogs are barking at a wall. People walk by thinking "Why are these dogs barking at a wall?".

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Why did the woman throw a stick of butter out her window? She was mentally unstable.

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Which is heavier, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of lead? It doesn't matter when your loved ones are being torn apart by bears.

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what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

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Whats the difference between a black man and a paraplegic? A paraplegic doesn't walk out on his family

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Why did sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by an 18 wheeler Knock knock Whos there not sally

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A man walks into a bar. He then takes a step back and notices that his head hurts.

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There was a cat and a copy cat. the regular cat jumped off a cliff. How many cats are left? 2 Cats have 9 lives!!!

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Q. Why do cheetahs run so fast? A. Because their bodies allow them to.

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Why don't some black men have jobs? Because they won't work

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How do you get your dog to give you a blow job? You have to force him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side... (other side as in the afterlife, for it committed suicide by crossing the road)

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I masturbate ?_?

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God Nero, Marry me now! I removed the nose thingie but it wont stop.

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Q : Who is the most famous celebrity, Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber? A : Neither, because they are just fads.

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Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

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The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops