How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A chicken walked into the bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the man worried? because he had a shotgun up his ass

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you get when you give a man viagra? A man with an erect penis. Viagra is known to increase blood flow and vascularization in the penis, allowing for erections for people with erectile dysfunction.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Jesse gives his mom the stick for breakfast

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? One is blonde and one is brunette.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What would you do if I walked onto your property and started to smash up your mailbox with a sledge hammer? You would be very scared and most probably call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your adopted.....

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican are on a boat, stranded in the middle of the ocean. Feeling a bit hot due to the above average temperature of an early april afternoon, the white guy and the mexican strip down to enjoy a refreshing dip in the water a few feet from the boat. The black guy, feeling a bit left-out and perhaps even envious at the apparent fun of the other two, speaks up "Hey fellas, do you think one of you could come sit in the boat so it doesn't float away so that maybe I can enjoy the water too?" Hearing this, the white guy and the mexican look at each other utterly astonished. Grasping for a rebuttal, the white guy gathers some courage and says "Do you really think that's a good idea?... You JUST finished your sandwich."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the hardest part of walking through a pile of dead babies? My penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You know who can't stand to put up with my shit? Polio victims.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you add two boys and two girls in a basement? Four people fearing their lives during a tornado.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

was gonna write a really funny "anti-joke" about two dogs and some spagetti but decided instead to tell you about how hard my life is and how much i hate getting up in the morning and just keep you wondering about the spaggetti and the dogs while i kill myself and it all a sudden makes sense as the two dogs are eating my shattered brain that looks like spaggetti wich leaves me wondering , am i spelling spaggetti right?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken croos the road? It didnt, my father caught him and cooked him for dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school. I said, "Wow, I can't believe I just found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school." Later that day, my principal gassed the kindergarten classrooms with cyanide while shouting, "GO RAIDERS!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How do you turn lights on and off? A: With a switch

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was a bunch of kids on a bus. One boy yelled "Look a squirrel!" Nobody saw it because he's dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the man walk into the bar Because he was an acoholic

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops