What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's black white and red all over? Steegers.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: What do you call a black person flying a plane? A: A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

really? are people insistantly so totally stupid? Now read that again and you may notice something. :P

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? No. Well, neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why is Michael Jackson a bad chess player? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What happens when you drop a glass of milk? It hits the ground and breaks, depending on what material the glass is made of, acrylic glass or plastic, and the softness of the floor you drop it on,

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

*Walk Into The Bakery* "Excuse me, sir. How much does the challah cost (holocaust)?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A pope meets another one

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the chicken eat his brother? he was a canivore

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the kitten drink its milk? because it doesnt have a motor so has no need for petrol.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb about 4

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

i hate it when people repeat the same jokes. i just hate it when people repeat the same jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload one with a pitchfork

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a bar and orders a pop because he was a designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because grass don't eat meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops