do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because he got shot in the face. Why couldn't the boy get back on the swing? He had no arms. Why didnt his mum come and save him? She is blind, deaf and in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what did the apple say to the orange? nothing, stupid, apples can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +21

John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. John runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Two black guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "what are you doing here" and the black guys say "to get a drink"....

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many black people does it take to for there to be a murder? None. A murder is a group of crows,not black people.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have consumed.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why is the old lady crying? I threw a fridge at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the little boy let go of his balloon? Because I was raping his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist! Jk a terrorist

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was Cinderella so bad at ball? Isn't that sexist, making assumptions about Cinderella's sports capability when you have never seen her play sports before (because she is a fictional character) and then asking why this is true when you have no proof that it is in fact true? But I would guess the correct answer is (if she is bad at ball in the first place) that she never played ball before. Think about it. Why did you have to ask this question at all? Isn't it obvious?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yo mama's so fat that they have to grease the door frame and hold a twinky on the other side to get her through.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If life throws you lemons, what do you do? Well unless life throws you water and sugar also, hen your lemonade is gonna taste horrible.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the little boy fall off his bike? He was hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops