So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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A Mexican, a Chinese man, and a cowboy are on a plane. The plane is crashing, and they need to get rid of anything to make the plane lighter so thet can glide to safety. The cowboy throws out all of his boots and says we have to many of these. Then the Mexican throws out all of his taco shells and says we have to many of these. Then the Chinese man throws out the Mexican and says we have to many of these.(:

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A cheerio gets a job at McDonalds and after working for a while, he gets employee of the month and goes to the district ball. While there, he meets a female(frosted) cheerio whom he asks out. She refuses because she only dates frosted cheerios. So, the male goes back to work for the next year, and his boss is happy with his work, so he asks him if he would like anything. The cheerio says yes, i want to be frosted. The boss says ok, i'll make you frosted, so now that he's frosted, he goes back to the ball. He asks the same female cheerio out, she says yes this time. He then asks her if she wants something to drink, she says yes. She wants some milk. So the guy stands in line for about 15 minutes, when he gets to the front, there is no more milk left. So he asks her if she would like some tea. she says yes. So he goes and stands in line for another 15 minutes only to find out there is no more tea. So then he asks her if she would like some punch, shesays yes. So after an hour of searching, he finds out there is no punchline......

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Whats Green and Smells Like Grass? Grass

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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What's worse than burning a candle. Burning the bible. -Juanita

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A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

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Engage in a lively debate with a friend, and when they are about to stump you, respond to whatever they say next with "What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?"

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks the duck "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't respond because it's a duck and it can't talk.

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A black man walks into a bar, and when he left he paid his tab and couldn't have been more courteous.

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What is funnier than 24? If you think numbers are funny then you could have a mental illness and that isn't quite funny.

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I? Everett

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whats the difference between a baby and an onion? no one cries when u chop up a baby.

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What has 2 legs and smells like fish A fish with 2 legs

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A life-sized cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber was in a contest with a cut out of Liam Neeson. It was stiff competition.

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Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

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Why did the asian man crash? He fell asleep after a long 18 hour day of driving, plus he was listening to soothing soul music.

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Q. Why did the television set turn on? A. Because someone pressed the power button.

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Why did the mouse cross the road? Because he had been attached to the chicken with a nail gun.

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Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

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What did the Asian man say to the taxi driver? Diarrrhea

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When life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

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Barney is a pedophile Loves dino molestation Stuck a dildo in his ass And died of constipation

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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