Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak and will soon have her institutionalized.

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When does a cat not land on its feet? When it has paws.

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Why couldn't Billy the bird fly? He was an ostrich, ostriches can't fly.

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Your mom is so stupid that her parents were probably ashamed of her low grades.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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what's round, hairy, has eight legs- but isn't a spider? A spider.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

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Why did the boy get and iphone? It was his birthday

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What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

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Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

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What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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I'm tired.

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A dog with toothpaste in it's mouth wanders into a bar. The bartender beats it to death, because he thought it had rabies.

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What’s spotty, has three legs and is green all over? …well?

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What did lil' Bobby get for christmas? Cancer.

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What was the black woman doing in the kitchen? She was simply washing her hands after eating dinner.

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam.

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What's worse than blowing out 1 lightbulb Blowing out 2 lightbulbs

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what do you call a old guy who touches children? my dad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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