How do you stop the mailman from performing his daily routes? You fill his house with blood thirsty bobcats

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mother. Please open the door. Your mother who? You were adopted.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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How many raisins can you fit in a box? It depends on the size of the raisins and the box.

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- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

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Your mother is so fat that she is considered morbidly obese. In fact, she should seriously consider a weight loss diet to reduce her risk of heart disease and diabetes.

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69.

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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Ask me if I want an orange. Do you want an orange? No.

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Your moms so fat she struggles to to everyday tasks

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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A man walks into a pole and says "I know, this pun is lame"

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Where does a one-legged waitress work? Wherever she can get good health insurance.

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why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

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How do u get high, meet a leprachaun, and touch a rainbow? U find a leprechaun shoot him, steal his pot, and run up the rainbow silly!

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What do black people and asians have in common? arms

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Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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A blind man crosses the street... he is hit by a car

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How many Japanese people does it take to make a whirlpool? - None, because they're all dead.

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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A bartender walks into a bar. I know what you're thinking. You think he works there but that is not correct. He works at a different bar. Anyways, he buys a few drinks and leaves. He was impressed with the service.

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Little molly says she wants to have a baby when she grows up because her little baby brother died of ta-sacs 6 months after birth.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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