A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks the duck "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't respond because it's a duck and it can't talk.

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

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why barack obama sad he realized the 4 trillion dollars of debt wasn't going be solved by borrowing more money

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"Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pepper" "Like the drink?" "Huh... yes... just like the drink" Would you mind to sit right here Mr..... "Nike" "Oh, just like the shoes" "How do you dare!"

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

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How does a person with Alzheimers' poem go? Roses are red, Roses are red, Roses are red, Wait, what was I doing?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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Why did the black man get laid off? His company was no longer doing well and he was not needed.

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A man stumbles into a bar and yells, "Let's get wa-" and falls to the floor dead. The forensic scientists preform an autopsy and find that after 15 years of achoholism and depression caused his heart to stop beating. His family may have mourned his loss, if he had not left them penniless after killing his wife.

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What happened to the boy with no family? He died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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Person 1. Knock-knock. Person 2. Who's there? Person 1. The doctor. Person 2. The doct-- Person 1. You have cancer and have about three weeks to live.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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What do you tell your chicken when it is it's birthday. Nothing, because he wouldn't understand you.

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whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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Who created Apple? Steve jobs.

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What do you call a guy walking into a bar Dave, because that's his name

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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