"It smells like up dog in here." "What's up dog?" "Not much, what's up with you?"

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What's black and has ne education? A tire.

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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How do you catch a green elephant? you paint it red and use a Red Elephant Trap

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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What did the boy in the wheelchair get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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A man walks into a police station with a gun... He is there to turn it in, he found it on the side of the road and realized that this situation would best be handled by the proper authorities.

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Does your iPod have zoom on it? Yeah, but it doesn't have a camera

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a charmander decided to take a swim a.w. j.p.

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It lost it's grip on the branch and was unable to break it's fall before reaching the ground.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapeled to the chicken

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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What is yellow outside, black inside, and makes you laugh when it falls? A school bus full of black people falling from a clif

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5 Italian guys from Long Island

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Q: what do you call a deer with no eyes A; roadkill

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What did one pig say to the other pig while sitting in the bathtub? No thanks I already have a typewriter.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops