A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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Q: Whats the difference between a Jewish man and a pizza? A: Jew's are humans and can feel emotions, as for pizza's can not feel emotions, because they are pizzas.

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So this guy walks into a bar and– Nevermind it's really not that funny.

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knock knock who's there? your destiny

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

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Violets are blue and/or violet Roses are red so's my blood, see?

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What did the prosecuting attorney say to the defense attorney? I hate you.

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Why couldn't the 13 year old get into the pirate movie? He has cancer and is dying in the hospitable.

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I'm black and I will beat your children. (This is not an anti-joke)

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Can we still mine for gold in the American River? No, anyone seen mining for gold is considered a hobo and all the gold is cleared out by random people in the 17 century

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have alzheimers. Cheese on toast.

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Knock, knock who's there? Not your Dad, because he left and created a better family.

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What's worse than stepping in tar? Getting your face ripped off by a man sized Tarantula

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An Aussie, American and Englishman were all drinking beer on a plane to Hawaii. All 3 of them were very excited for their vaction, which they all saved hard for and their breaks from work were well deserved.

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what do you call a bunch of crap at the bottom of the ocean? A shitwreck!

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Rebecca Black walked into a stadium. There were so many seats to choose from. But, she sat down in the nearest seat she could find and enjoyed the football game.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A lot of things, you just gotta keep your eyes peeled.

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Whats the same between a baby and pizza? their both edible

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A lot eh?

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

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a cow walked into a bar and asked for a large whiskey on the rocks, 'long day, eh' said the barman, 'yes' replied the cow, 'first a large moving obstical was cutting down my food, and then my friend was raped from his milk.'

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How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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