Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

- Knock Knock. - Who is it? - I am - I am what? - I am dying please help me. - Sorry, I don't speak with strangers.

A young baby died.

Why did the camel climb Mount Everest? Actually, he wasn't a camel, he was a very experienced mountain climber. In any case no one really knows why he did it.

Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

A: Knock Knock (waits for an answer) oh there's no one in.

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

What did the slutty blonde get her boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Nothing because she had died of AIDS months ago.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

Why was the baby so hot? Napalm. Why was the baby so cold? Meat locker.

If life gives you lemons, You throw them as hard as you can at the nearest stranger. If life gives you melons, You're probably dyslexic.

Why did the white man beat the black man in a fight? The white man was bigger. Also, he was a black belt in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu.

Why did the little boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a washing machine at him.

Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because the The husband told her to...

What is yellow and dangerous? Shark infested butter

Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

What do you call a black man repairing a car? A mechanic who has worked very hard to gain his qualifiaction.

did you hear about the little girl who won first place in her school's spelling bee? she was hit by a bus

whats white and smells like onions? an onion..

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

Why did the flight attendant look scared every time every time she saw a muslim get on the airplane? Because her family got murdered in front of her before she came to work

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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