Why did the man cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

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How do u get high, meet a leprachaun, and touch a rainbow? U find a leprechaun shoot him, steal his pot, and run up the rainbow silly!

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Q: What is brown and sticky and often found in the grass? A: A stick.

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A Irish leaves and bump in to a really tall the Irish sorry boss

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A man is on a military operation, he dies and has a funeral.

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How do u kill a gay man? Shoot him in the head

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Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

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When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

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What do you do if your walking into a room full of Lions and Jaguars? You stop walking.

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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P1: why did the chicken cross the road? P2: to get to the other side. P1: Knock! Knock! P2: whos there? P1: THE CHICKEN!

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

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What was Jenna's favourite ice cream flavour? Keyword; was, she's dead now

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Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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What is stupid, black and high? A stupid black kite.

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What do I have in common with your mum? We're in the same bed right now.

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A man wakes up in his bed and looks at the clock. He realises he is gonna be late for work. He quickly gets out of bed, into the bathroom, has a shower, puts his deodorant on and brushes his teeth, gets dressed, and goes in his car. He drives out of his garage and drives to his work but gets stuck in traffic. He then gets to the car park of his work and parks his car. He gets out, goes up the elevator to his floor, when the elevator door opens to his floor, he quickly says hello to Terrance and goes to his bosses office. And guess what the boss says? You're late.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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how do you stop a rhino from charging? you shoot it with a gun until it's either dead or no longer charging at you because thats a highly dangerous situation.

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How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

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Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

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What's upside down? umop apisdn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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