What did the computer say to the mouse? Nothing inanimate objects cant talk

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why does it take 2 woman with p.m.t to change a light bulb? because there both tired , feel bloated , and could do with a bar of choccy

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You know what's funnier than a pile of dead babies? A pile where one's alive in the middle, and has to eat his way out.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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What's the difference between a pile of rotting shit about to be re-heated in the microwave and Kevin James's new movie "The Zookeeper" ... Nothing.

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What do you call an overly-sexual, chewbacca-like creature that smokes cocaine and shoots heroin, while beating its offspring? Mom.

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: Someone who just got stabbed to death reading the newspaper.

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How do you find a jew amoung italians? Through a dollar and see which one whines its not enough!

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what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline? obviously quite a lot due to the fact that they are two completely different ideas with little to no relation to each other.

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whats red and bad for your teeth? a brick.

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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Q.How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb? A.1

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A blind man is jumped and doesn't see it coming

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What's worse than having a gay friend? 9/11.

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Why did the man eat his cellphone? Because he has a serious mental disability, and did not know that it was not a normal thing to do, and for anybody to laugh at him for doing something like this is just a sick person.

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Two Pigs are in a bath. One pig says to the other "pass me the soap", to which the other pig replies "Do I look like a typewriter?"

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Sally bought a shakeweight. She is an alcoholic and is ruining her family.

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what did I say to myself nothing because its very weird to talk to your self

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

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your so fat. your fat!

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What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

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Bill: My vagina is itchy. Tom: You don't have a vagina. It was later found out that bill had a sex change and did have an itchy vagina, due to an STI. He later died of cancer.

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Friend's are like pinguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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