what has 2 legs and no eyes? A decapitated cat with only its lower half remaining

What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

Whats the difference between a monkey and a baby? Eating a baby tastes better with saltines.

Evan Ramsey hahaha go CAD

Your mother is so fat because she inherited poor genes and dietary habits from her own parents.

Fiona: SHREK! WHERE WERE YOU TONIGHT? Shrek: Out clubbing with the boys. Fiona: What did you do. Shrek: Eat Jews. Borat: iz vedy naaace

why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

Why was the boat red and sticky? A boy dropped his slurpee. What were you thinking?!

these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

I used to say "I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee" like you but then I took an arrow in the knee.

what is black and white and read all over? A penguin in a blender

The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

Why was the man foolish for buying a new lamp? Because he lived in a small shack with no electricity and was probably going to die soon.

The blonde is in the park withb a rope a man passes and says what are u doing, she says im goin o hang and kill myself. the next day the man comes back and sees the blonde there alive he says i thought u were goin hang yourself she says i tried but i couldnt breathe.

A man walks into a grab and go restaurant and asks the man if he can stay, the man replies "yes."

A Texan, a Mexican, a Brit and a Frenchman are on a plane that begins having engine trouble. The black box was never found.

What is green and if it fell on you from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT NOVA! MY NAME IS VIKTOR REZNOV! AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What dod the boy with no arms get or christmas? Nothing he can't open them!

Why should you never attempt to rob Chuck Norris? Because he will beat you up as he knows self defense.

A man walks into a bar, the bartender says had a bad day the man says yes... he orders 10 shots goes home and shoots his neighbors

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...