How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already taken her police statement and she doesn't want to discuss the incidentit anymore until her lawyer arrives.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because he was looking for other chickens because he has no friends and he got bullied when he was in 12th grade. He got picked on because he was sledding down his hill in his backyard and he accidentally scraped one side of his face on ice and started bleeding. The next day his classmates started calling him two face.

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What's the difference between a clever trick and a computer programmer? A clever trick throws you for a loop, and a computer programmer throws you a for loop.

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Lollies are sweet warheads are sour, open your legs and feel my power

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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when nothing goes right go left because if you go straight you will fall off the cliff

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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When life gives you Live Aid, celebrate the fact that you've just gone back in time 27 years and somehow cheated death temporarily.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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Jimmy Saville

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There were two penguin's sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin says to the second penguin, "Hey, pass the soap." And the second penguin says, "What do i look like, an alarm clock?"

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i get knocked down, but i don't get up again. my leg is broken and therefore makes it extremely difficult for me to stand up on my own.

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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How do you punish Hellen Keller Move the furniture around

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas? A new pair of shoes

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Why did the dinosaur rent a DVD in Redbox about a sex? Because he didn't own a Blu-Ray player.

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rose's are red violets are blue I have touretts blblblblblblblblbbl

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What did the Jamacian say to his friends? Yo me Rastas' on de cloud shroud atta boy 9PM we rizzle into da hitasses bar and we order us da drink of "grandpa's cough medicince" me tinks, who grees wid my view od oftaday Rastas?

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I wumbo, you wumbo, he, she, wumbo, wumbology the study of wumbo

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An African-American is like a hammer. It can't be trusted in the hands of women.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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