An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

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What's Green and has Wheels? Ian Leighton... I LIED ABOUT THE GREEN

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Jo Brand no longer looks like a ball sack draped over a football.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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the awkward moment when your mom wakes you up and you realize she died six years ago

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What's black and white and red all over and can't go through a revolving door? A nun with a spear stuck in her head.

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guy walks into a bar.... Ouch.

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What happened when Glen jumped off a building? The rope snapped his neck. He died.

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so a black,Hispanic,chines,white and Asian man walk into a bar and they sat down had a couple drinks and had a good conversation and left as happy as could be

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if u read this u r bent A. Now your bent

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What do you call it when an old person cuts off their fingers? Dementia

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What did you say? I'm blind. (Did not write this meaning to be offensive)

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is an advisor who assists people by representing them on legal matters.

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wow i bet grass is lucky on st patricks day. why? becuase its green all year. *smacks* ow. i kno. but hey im corn.

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Where did the cow go? To the slaughter house!!!

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There was a black guy and a blonde crossing the street. They are not related.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Gary.

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Why is five afraid of six? Because six seven eight. (Note: The language of numbers is Subject-Object-Verb, rather than Subject-Verb-Object like English.)

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What is a hammer? It's not a screwdriver

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Duck, Duck who? Duck Sandwich

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas were meant to be put in an oven.

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops