Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? No. Well, neither has he

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Neo Nero, why did you not tell me that Nero7 is dead? When was the funeral held? Where is he buried? At point Zero? Please I need to know, he was basically my father, or rather all that my father never was, at least I dont have to wonder if he will ever come back... I understand your anger, even if I am not even close to following your extreme ideals, please tell me the code, the proof that you are not one of the Spetznas or the Nazi`s. "Eliza"

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Michael walked into a bar, The rest of the bar initially erupted with laughter until the his carer made everybody aware that Michael suffered from brittle bones and that he had actually fractured his hip after colliding with the bar. People then understood the gravity situation as the bartender immediately dialled the emergency services. Michael managed to recover physically from the accident but to this day he is still scarred from the laughter aimed at him the night of his accident and is too afraid to return to the bar again in fear of being mocked despite the misunderstanding of the situation.

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Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

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A bear walks into a bar. The bear is then shot by the bartender with the shotgun kept under the counter.

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Knock Knock? Whos there? Ching Ching Who? No...Ching Smith you racist!

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How many beavers does it take to paint a house blue? 0, beavers cant paint.

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A gay guy asks a boy out and a girl The girl said no but the guy said yes And the two gay guys went to dinner And made out

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What's oily and smells like smegma? Kevin Crummy

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A man walks into a bar. Three weeks later he gets a liver transplant.

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My cat just died.

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Did you hear about that creepy guy on Facebook? He was un-friended

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What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

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An ant tries to climb and sit on a tube. It couldn't. Do you get it? … I don't either.

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A black man, Jew and a Mexican go camping. A bear wanders into their campsite, but upon seeing them runs away because it's afraid of humans.

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What happens when a drunk driver meets a stoned driver? A head on collision

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar. His own feelings of inadequacy over his learning disability have driven him to drink and is driving a wedge between him and his family

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What did the librarian say to the rude man who was talking very loudly? The librarian said "shhh keep it down."

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Knock knock. Who's there? Just use the peephole. I am.

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Whats worse than going to jail for the rest of your life? Going to jail naked for the rest of your life.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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I have a friend named Dave, he lost his ID and now we call mim Dav

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Why doesn't Billy like his new step-dad? He's secretly a murderer and only Billy knows, he wants to tell the police but hes afraid to.

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Miss Jones has 10 apples on her desk. Billy takes half of them away and runs. What does Miss Jones have? 5 apples and a complaint filed for smacking Billy with a ruler.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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