What do you call an arab with a beard? How cares what his name is just shoot him!

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? It is unlikely that this situation would occur, as tractors are very large objects and losing one would be very hard, furthermore, tractors are vital agricultural vehicles and most farmers would take care in not misplacing one.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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What do you call a Jew with 20 Pounds of Pennies? A rich man

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What is a pirates favorite crime? Piracy, which is still a serious problem in today's society.

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Knock knock Who's there It's a policeman informing you that your parents have been killed in a car crash. Your Dad, who has been struggling with substance abuse and depression, found out his wife had been cheating on him, and in a drunken rage, wrapped the car around a tree.

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Why do people make jokes about cancer? Oviously to get thier ass kicked!!! -BY:KOLBY HOOKS

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why did the chicken cross the road? he was stapeled to a cow and the cow got hit by a bus so they died.

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why do black people like watermellon? becasue it is a delicious red fruit at a wonderful price

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What did Justin beiber get for Christmas? A dildo.

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Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

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Why did little Annie fall off the swing? Cause her penis was too heavy.

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What do Grant and Lee have in common? They're both black males

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office, naked but wrapped in Saran Wrap. The Doctor takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."

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Why wouldn't Julius Caesar like olives on his pizza? Because he's dead.

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why is caleb mears sucha perv? becasuee its calebbbb ahahahahahahah

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A man walks in to a bar and everyone screamed running out the door.

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knock knock. whos there? the IRS you have recently filed for bankruptcy and we are repossessing your house.

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what are you your not a human? are you an other?

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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A man walks into a bar. It hurt.

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Ask me what my favorite color is. What's you favorite color? Blue.

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What do you get when you cross a Zebra with a Sheep? Hounded by a religious group for playing God.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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