Nero, I am happy to hear from you again, but it kinda sounds like you are going to get yourself killed or something. Is there something else I can do? If that asshole is suffering, kill him after he is done doing it, I am done with that piece of shit. Honestly, what is going on Nero? You are not going to suicide or something are you? Please respond, right away, or I wont call your wife.

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Q: What do you call a Jew in space? A: An astronaut you racist bastard!

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Guess my favourite fruit. Peach.

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What do you get when you reverse Zelda's Lullaby ? Skyward Sword's theme.

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Mom now that I am fourteen can I get a bra now? No Harold!

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Q: Why did the Asian man get fired from his job? A: He sexually assaulted his co-workers

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Knock Knock Whos there 9/11 nine eleven who? You said you would never forget...

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one day a boy asked a Manican if it had a pulse it didn't

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Why didn't the boomerang return? It hit a baby

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had AIDS?

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An alcoholic walks into a bar.... I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother is a prostitute.

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Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

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Two muffins are baking in an oven. One of them says, "Man, it sure is hot in here." and the other muffin replies, "Yep." They later die a horrid and painful death as their flesh gets burned into a nice golden brown crisp.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because there was a hair in his burrito

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An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? Nothing, it didn't get stuck in the first place because cows are incapable of climbing trees.

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A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What does a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them are a police officer.

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? One comes back from camp.

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Why do chickens have feathers? Because chickens are birds and birds have feathers.

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What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

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Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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