Roses are grey. Violets are a different shade of grey. Let's go chase cars. -Dog

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Whats the difference between eating an egg and an abortion? Think about it.

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Why did the scientist go to the hospital? because he was experimenting with dangerous chemicals, and they exploded in his unsuspecting face. He doesn't have skin now.

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A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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Why did the baby cross the road? he was taped to the chicken

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Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

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i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because there was a hair in his burrito

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why did miles cross the road? Because hes gay

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What's the difference between Hurricane Sandy and Barrack Obama? One is a catastrophic event that resulted in thousands of deaths, countless power outages and homes destroyed, and millions of dollars in damages, and is said to be one of the worst tropical storms to ever hit the nation. The other is the President of the United States, who has put in an unbelievable amount of effort to fix our economy, create jobs, and make America a better place to live. So as you can see, the two things are extremely different. One must wonder why this question was even asked in the first place, as one is a human being and the other is a storm, making any common traits between them almost non-existent.

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once there was an anti-joke. it wasn't well thought out or even very creative. what happened to the anti-joke's premise? it got undermined or reversed in the punchline. but the punchline was way too straightforward. so, the whole joke really ended up sucking.

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Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

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Yo mama's chest is so flat that it's because she has stage five breast cancer and had to get both her breasts removed.

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CJISTHEBEST Sticks and stones may break my bones because i have osteoperosis.

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What do you call a Black man with a gun ?? A black man with a gun !

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I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

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How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

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An Irish man sips at a large beer. Oh yeah and your mother's a whore.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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Guy 1 : "I like your hat." Guy 2: "That's my hair, you moron."

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I like my sex how i like my steak Pink and Bloody

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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