Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

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Whats the difference between a dog and a bird? They both fly

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What did the pretty young girl get for her birthday? Cake and presents (get your mind out of the gutter).

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How do you scare a blonde? Paint yourself yellow and call yourself big bird.

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What's worse than a baby on a pitchfork? Two babies on a pitchfork.

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what's round, hairy, has eight legs- but isn't a spider? A spider.

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Two Chav's jump off a cliff who wins? Neither, the affects of gravity are equal despite the weight of said object.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

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What's invisible? A lot of stuff.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

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What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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my penis

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Why did Michael Jackson name his kid blanket? Because after years of drug abuse and sexual insecurity led to him thinking unrealistically during the birth of his children.

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Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

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Why'd the asian man cross the road? I dont know, who cares? Just leave the guy alone

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What is worse than an 11 year old getting raped You getting caught

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Lollies are sweet warheads are sour, open your legs and feel my power

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according to the ewspickle, it is Dumbledore's favorite food.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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There were 3 men on a rough each granted one wish to make. The first guy sees a bird and runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a bird and he flies away. The second guy sees a butterfly so he too runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a butterfly and flies away. The third guy telling himself those were all stupid wishes, makes up his mind what he is going to wish for so he runs to the ledge and just after he says "I wish to be" he trips on the ledge and says, "shit!" So his wish was granted and shit he became. The End.

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Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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