What would Marylin Monroe be doing right now if she was alive? Clawing her way out of her coffin.

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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A man was arguing with his wife over the phone at a trainstation. She threatened to leave him he did not stop his physical abuse. The man became so mad he hung up the phone. He then noticed a blind man was grinning at the overheard discussion. The husband walked over and pushed the blind man on the tracks. He died

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What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

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How many people were trampled on Black Friday this year? Not enough.

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The Grinch stole Christmas, he accidentally dropped it and Christmas was ruined for everyone life sucked -shane,Adam,David and Riley go cry about it

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why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

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why was the woman crying? her son killed 5 people.

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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I'm black and I will beat your children. (This is not an anti-joke)

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Why was it so hard for teachers to teach Tommy? Tommy is brain dead

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What did the man say to his father? You are not my mom.....

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One time there was a girl in a wheelchair and she couldn't walk.

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what did the man say to the person he hates? nothing!

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what did the grandma do after she was pushing up daisies? washed her hands because gardening is a dirty activity

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You have small feet Do you know what small feet mean Small shoes

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Is this your pen? I wanna go to school, bye!

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A boy walked in on his mom and dad in their bedroom last night they were having a leisurely evening playing scrabble

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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