How Many Chickens does it take to make an egg? NOrmally 2

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Why did the black guy lose the race? He toke an arrow to the knee

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Why does the Green Giant's vegetables taste funny? He stands over his peas and corn.

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some dude: weed is bad Other dude: then why do they prescribe it to people are you dumb or are you stupid

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Roses are red and so is venus now kneel down and suck my penis:)

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She is a woman ... Who is blind, deaf and mute Therefore considered a danger to herself And those around her.

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A woman walks out of the kitchen.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your penis.

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Let's say you're inside a building and you are lost. You need to find directions to get out. But the building is so big almost like a maze or labyrinth. You start walking until you see 2 doors and each door is guarded by a man. Now in between the 2 doors is a message on the wall. It says: "Dear friend, I assume that you are lost and want to get out. There is hope! You have an option to choose one of these doors guarded by these men. You may ask one of these men which door leads to freedom. However, 1 guard ALWAYS tells a lie and 1 guard ALWAYS tells the truth. If you are to choose the wrong door, you will be locked in the building forever. So choose wisely and ask the right question. Good luck! Sincerely, the owner of the building." So you think to yourself and try to figure out what the hell did you get yourself into. This is a very tricking situation. You have one liar and one honest man. How can you tell which is lying and with is telling the truth? After minutes of confusion and thinking, you have finally decided to ask one guard a question. ----spoiler alert----- So you ask the guard one question. "What would the other guard say is the door to freedom?" The guard said "This door" You choose the opposite door and you are now free. The End [Explanation: You have 2 doors. Let's say door A is losing and door B is winning. If you ask the liar what would the other guard say, he we lie and say door A. So you pick the opposite door, which door B and you win. Now if you ask the truth teller what would the other guard say, he we tell the truth and say the same answer, door A. So you pick the opposite door and win]

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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What's worse than eating a baby? Eating two babies filled with maggots.

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What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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how do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? it doesn't matter. she can't climb up a tree with only one arm.

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Yo Mama's so fat that she is at risk for diabetes

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Whats the difference between a Dodo and an Elephant? They're both extinct. Excluding the elephant

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what did the apple say to the orange, nothing fruits can't talk

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what is the germans word for fat dick what is very fat hairy dick

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what did the first fire hi-grin say to the second fire hi-grin nothing they can talk it what just really awkward.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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