- Anti Joke

roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimers who are you?

Hazel and Gus are two teenagers who share an acerbic wit, a disdain for the conventional, and a love that sweeps them on a journey. Their relationship is all the more miraculous given that Hazel's other constant companion is an oxygen tank, Gus jokes about his prosthetic leg, and they met and fell in love at a cancer support group.

A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

Q: Why didn't i save my work? A: Because i didn't do any work?

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

I'm gay Mr Goodwin

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

What did the homeless guy get for Christmas ? Frostbite

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

Is it a ironic if a man with ADD is driving a Ford Focus?

Why did the black man steal an inhaler? Because he was broke and he had asthma.

wanna hear a sad joke? you! by mad james

Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid? A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

"So, what do you fancy doing tonight?" "Does it matter? We'll end up doing what you want anyway..."

yo Dawg I heard you like dogs... So I sent yo ass to prison and got an NFL contract

What's worse than the WNBA? The Cleveland Cavaliers.

How did Debbie get a black eye? Because her dad asked her to take off her pants and she refused so he beat her

Bugs dance, so do ants, Oh my glob it’s Adventure Time!

A black man walks into a bar He looks at the menu and realizes he's in a bar, so he leaves

One day a kid said to his mom: "Mom, I painted the bed sheets with your lipstick". So his mom got mad.

What's the difference between a fat boy and a thin boy? Fizzy drinks!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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