A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

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Why is Michael Jackson a bad chess player? Because he's dead.

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What happens when you drop a glass of milk? It hits the ground and breaks, depending on what material the glass is made of, acrylic glass or plastic, and the softness of the floor you drop it on,

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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Q: Why did the bear fall out of the tree? A: Because humans tranquilized him, brought him to an animal shelter 100 miles away from his home. Then after he got out he got hit by a car and died. PETA is watching.....always

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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What do you call a chicken who crosses a road? Nothing, its still a chicken

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I used to say "I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee" like you but then I took an arrow in the knee.

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what has balls and is long and suckible? Spaghetti

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A Jewish man walks into an ice-cream shop. Using the money he ha eared from his full time job, he orders a chocolate ice-cream in a waffle cone.

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Why can't dogs fly? Because they do not have wings.

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What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

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A Jew walks into a bar and says drinks are on me.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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OMG did you hear about the man who sky-dived from mars?!!!! No…. Me neither

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A man walks into a grab and go restaurant and asks the man if he can stay, the man replies "yes."

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why do the jewish guy and italian girl talk? i dont know why any decent minded italian would talk to a jew so i don't know.

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How high is the grass in Germany? Approximately the same height as the grass in America.

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What's hot and cold at the same time? Hotcold.

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Whats worst than a cold? Being shot in the face repeatadly by a rocket launcher until death.

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whats worse than the holocaust? nothing

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My mom told me and my brother to lean up on a commercial...we were watching netflix

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You know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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