How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What happened to the boy who ate too much? He got type 2 diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

An american family is picknicking on the bottom of the ocean. They are eating french fries, big mac's, chicken mc nuggets and drinking coca cola, some slurpies too, all purchased at the local mac donalds near lyndon blvd, in chevy chase near that weird house with the toothless lady that always smiles and then all of a sudden frowns at you, often wearing either a dark green or mint green dress. Spongebob squarepants comes drifting by dead in circular pants and little Sally, their youngest daughter asks a question, which cannot be heard because they're underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Your momma is so fat, she has her own gravitational pull.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the man ask the woman on a date? They were both single and looking for a unique, romantic experience that could possibly turn into a long-term loving relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: Why is asprin white? A: It works.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the jew go to the doctors? Because he had a severe headache.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's witness Damn...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: What's not funny and has three wheels? A: The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels and not being funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the woman throw a stick of butter out her window? She was mentally unstable.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's green and black? Grass with wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

why did michele jackson rape a kid. because he was horny duhhhh!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Which is heavier, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of lead? It doesn't matter when your loved ones are being torn apart by bears.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

what's 2 + 2 ? 4, unless you add it up wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you call a bunch of black people buried up to their hair? Afro turf

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Sarah Palin.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Me - Ask me if I am a Frog. You - Are you a Frog? Me - No.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A guy finds a genie bottle. He rubs it. A genie appears and grant him 3 wishes. He wishes for a splendid woman, a lot of money, and a house.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q: What do you call a person with no arms and no legs ??? A: Stumpy

thumb_up thumb_down -21

How did Sarah Offet win? He had no arms. Knock, knock? Whose there? Not Sarah Offet

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the Iraqi cross the road? Because he was hired by the CIA as an undercover operative to lead them to a highly dangerous target in the small town of Aziziyah and was leaving the area to avoid the impending Pavelow strike on the town center.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the chicken cross the road .... The traffic light turned red

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops