pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

are you MC Donald's because I'm lovin' it!

johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

Difference between African children and a fat boy? nothing, they're always hungry.

why was 9 afraid of 6 ? because it made her pregnant

what do you call a dumb blonde with no arms? Her name because she will not respond to anything else

What happens when you throw a red rock into a blue ocean. The rock gets wet.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was cooked with eleven herbs and spices.

The Holocaust is worse than any number of bee stings. Unless, of course, bees separated people of certain ethnic backgrounds from their families and killed them off bit by bit by stinging them.

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

What did the hooker say to the black guy? How long do you want it for?

Your mom is so old that her organs are starting to slowly fail and she must be put on life support or she'll die.

Q: Why did Katie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock, Knock Who's There? Not Katie.

There are two men on a dock. The first man says, "What's your name?" The second man says, "GET OFF!" because he has turrets.

What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

Remember that comic blooper? Captain America fighting some dude: Okay buster only one of us is getting out of here alive! Next panel: Captain is kicking his foe and yelling AND IT WONT BE MEEEEEEEE! ...

Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

Guess what? I like trains.

Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

Why couldn't the boy watch the DVD about pirates? Because his mother did not understand the importance of putting the disc back in it's case after use, and as a result, has become too damaged for the DVD Player to play.

why did Sarah fall off the swing? she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? not sarah

Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart.

Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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MOAR??

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