There once was a man from Nantucket. He said it was a great place to retire.

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An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What's green, fuzzy, and would likely cause fatal harm if it were to fall on someone? A pool table.

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>>-------------[Knee]---------->>>

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Small breasts.

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Are you well? No, I'm not a well, I'm a person.

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In 2012 at what age are Americans allowed drink? At any age. liquids are vital for human beings to survive.

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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is too sparsely populated and not economically viable.

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look at there!! an entire dog!!

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DANA

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KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? seriously all my friends r Dbags n break the door down...wow ur polite....um ok WHO'S THERE? THE REAPER oh sh** dude! NO ONES HOME! "in other news this evening, two local men found dead on theyre living room floors. Police say the front door was smashed in...an obvious sign of forced entry. The two men were apparently reading a webpage called anti-joke before suddenly having an unexplained heart attack and dieing....heh heh hey nancy...why did the chicken cross the road? because he thuroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......GASP! GA FA! GAA *gargle*" "wow...in other OTHER news i just killed nancy...."*runs* JOKES KILL >:}

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Dana Cohen not having herpes.

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A Starfish walks into a bar. He sits down next to a man with a concussion. Q: What did the man say? A: Nothing because he was in a concussion and was no longer able to say words.

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Hello

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What do you call 400 black men rolling down a hill? 400 black men rolling down a hill.

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What is long, erect, and 12 inches long? A ruler.

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How many fingers am I holding up? None, my fingers were blown off by a hand grenade.

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What do you call a group of asians? China.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? About 1,150 pounds.

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What is the difference between a man and a woman? Genitals

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What did the dog say when his family's grandmother came back to life from the dead and ate everyone? Nothing. This is a highly improbable situation, and furthermore, dogs cannot speak.

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What do a Shark and a lemon have in common? They can both swim, except for the lemon

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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