Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

Me:Oh wait, I got a joke! Friends:Oh boy, what is it? Tell us! Me:..my grandma died.. *Everyones silent* Some random guy:Oh haha, I get it! Me:Shut up, you have no friends. Some random guy: Oh........

I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

I once duped this chick with a parrot. Crazy thing wouldn't shut up. The parrot was pretty cool

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

What do you call a cat at the bottom of the ocean? A cat.

What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

What long black and tasty? Licorice

Knock Knock Who did that?

Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I actually take my shoes off when I jump on the trampoline.

Why did the Chicken become a medium? To talk to the other side.

Hi im a joke i eat turtles

A friend of mine said; the only vegetables that makes you cry are oignons. that was before I hit him with a watermelon

A. Big feet, you know what that means B. He has to order his shoes on line because they don't carry his size in stores.

Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers and the middles for you

What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a baby in your closet.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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