Doctor: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your parents survived the car accident. Kid: And the bad news is? Doctor: I have a horrible sense of humor, they're both dead. I'm so sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Hitler kill himself? He realized what he'd gotten himself into and became severely depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks in to a bar, and the Bartender says "Why the long face?" The man replies "My wife is dying of Terminal Cancer".

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mamas so old that she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are blue I haven't been able to deal Since the day that I lost you. Now these roses bleed red And these violets cry blue I think of you in memories Do you think of me too?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man rode into town on Friday and came out on Friday how did he manage this? He stayed for a couple of hours

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two men fought over a bag of peanuts. The peanuts won.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A woman takes a shortcut through a dark alley. She is raped, robbed, and murdered. Her family mourns her death.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Who's the fastest kid in AA

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what did a poor guys get for christmast ? brain tumor.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

When is a great time to eat chicken fingers? Never Chickens dont have fingers therefore making it misnamed and impossible to eat them

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the man kill himself? Because he had a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a chicken and was probably not aware that it was walking across a road at all, especially considering that it was likely in a low-traffic rural area.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops