What did God say to the man who just died? Nothing. God and Heaven something parents make up so kids will do the right thing.

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I will grant you one wish, but it sure as hell isn't coming true!

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What's the difference between Colonel Sanders and a barrel of olives? Colonel Sanders isn't in a barrel.

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-Your mom worked as a prostitute and died a virgin.

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Why was the man foolish for buying a new lamp? Because he lived in a small shack with no electricity and was probably going to die soon.

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Why don't dinosaurs eat other dinosaurs? They're all dead.

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how do u stop a cat from peeing on the floor? Kill it... haha

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why do the jewish guy and italian girl talk? i dont know why any decent minded italian would talk to a jew so i don't know.

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this isn't an anti joke but you guys remember teletubbies?

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Stevie Wonder valentine: Roses are black, Violets are black, everything is black, I cant see shit!

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What's red, black, and green all over? This is! I only wish you could see it too - the website wont let me upload a picture - but it is pretty impressive! Oh well.

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Why did the pedophile go to the park? He lost his dog.

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Q: What's the upside to your otherwise miserable life? A: You only got raped twice last week.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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-Knock Knock - no one respond , they were brutally murdered by a drug addict.

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What do you get when you mix a donkey with a bungee cord? My bouncy ass

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What is worse than braking a fingernail, Learing that a clown raped your entire family

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What do you call a black hitch hiker: stranded

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Crime in a hen house. All hens killed. Police found the suspected fox quickly and asked him if he have done it. No - he said. But it was him.

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Why did the student fail his test? Because he has AIDS darragh hamilton

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How do you get dislikes on anti-joke.com? You can dislike your own post from several different IP addresses.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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You are in a room with hitler and bin Ladin. You have a gun with 1 bullet. Who do shoot? Don't worry you don't have to make that decision. They are already both dead

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what is the difference between lizzy and a momma hippo........ lizzy doesnt bathe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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