So my friend told me to go shot myself I got my Canon and shoot myself The image came out very clean and profession.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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Why did the depressed man commit suicide? Its typical of a depressed person.

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Why did the piano explode? Beacause someone planted an explosive inside of it.

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"Why is Barney purple and green?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way"

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Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

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Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

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"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

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Two muffins are sitting in a oven, The other muffin says to the other muffin nothing, Because muffins are unable of human conversation.

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There are only three kind of people: people who can count and people that can't count

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what's the difference between a duck? one leg's the same.

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What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

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Why couldn't Mary see the painting? Because she had no face.

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Yo' momma is so old she should probably go to the doctor and check her health so she can live a longer, more healthy life.

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Why can't Michel Jackson play chess? He's dead

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A my dog was a rappa. He recorded a hit. But it had no lyrics, because he is a dog.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the Chicken become a medium? To talk to the other side.

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

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Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

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A horse walks into a bar. The Barman asks "why the long face?" The horse says "My son was recently killed in a horrific horse racing accident"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops